Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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