...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
