I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
