I want to make a zoo with you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
