I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize