cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
