I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
being pregnant is like rehab
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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