Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
