This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
