just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
