Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
