your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
