With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
