so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
