reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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