Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
