She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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