$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
