Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize