are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
