We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
