If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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