It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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