At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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