you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize