Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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