Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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