Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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