Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
