Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
