Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
