Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
