dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
