Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
