remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
