She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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