We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize