im having a threesome with these popsicles
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
