I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
