if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
