My friends, they love my intelligence
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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