Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
