Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
