alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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