this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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