Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
