Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
