I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
