went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
