dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize