ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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