its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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