I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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