Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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