if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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