Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
