Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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