Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
