You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
