her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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