i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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