pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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