i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
