I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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