in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
